His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
