i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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