peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
