I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
