New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
