It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
