i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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