I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's blow job season.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize