does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
