so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
