Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
worst night to have a conscience
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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