I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I need to align my fucking chakras
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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