New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
