I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Text me some of your sweat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize