Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize