Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
