I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
