I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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