I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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