oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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