I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
