even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
