What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
