so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
