You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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