were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
