yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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