Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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