i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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