do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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