Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
