Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
