I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
