she was so not down for the gang bang
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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