Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
