I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize