some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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