Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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