Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
