Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
