Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
