Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
