i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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