I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
