tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
