my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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