they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
