We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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