Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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