At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
