tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
