there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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