why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
