i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
