Will you blow on my dice?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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