I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cut my penus on the lid.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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