I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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