Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have post one night stand depression
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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