Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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