if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We had sex on a dog bed..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
