i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
