I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
