I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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