Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
