I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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