someone threw a dead crab at me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
