Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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