why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize