At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
