god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize