last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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