so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
