I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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