You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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