I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
