you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is my gift to your gina
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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