I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize