lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
