ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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