He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
