Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
