it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
