plz talk dirty to me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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