i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
