Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
