I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
