Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
PANTIES FOUND
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize