On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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