Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
