Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This house was built for laser tag.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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