barbara walters just said penis...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
