how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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